Picturesque Highway

Watching the Hindi movie "Highway". How I wish I could travel like the characters in the movie. Be care free like the character of Alia bhat "Veera" in the movie in spite of all the challenges she had to face through the journey.Travel the paths of life without worrying about the destination, just enjoying the journey. Take life in its stride without worrying about the uncertain future. Be myself, without having to be approved by so many people around. Not having to worry about being judged on my life and my living.

We do so many things every day. Every day, every moment is a new one - philosophically. When I talk so much about these kind of stuffs, you might be wondering whether I believe in what i say - all this philosophy about life and living the moment. Well, I am just starting to believe myself. I have come to realize that believing my own instincts is much safer and satisfying than taking to others opinions. One less norm breaking person is not going to do any harm to this society. Well I agree buying a house and a car and marrying and having kids is good but not the most important thing in my life. If these things can happen as a by product of my day to day happiness then I will be thrilled as others would want me to be.

Ultimately as we always hear, life is too short for regrets. One day suddenly i may die. What is the use of struggling everyday now for attaining 'the position' in this society, the same society which will not even bother to look for me once I am gone. Who really cares for me? All my answers have been reasons to feel better or just a reassurance about what i have believed for so many years. No one will leave this world along with me. Life will continue as it was - minus Malini. No, my grandchildren will not remember my name because i bought a house and a car and they definitely will not miss me.

In my struggle to prove my worth I had forgotten what I really wanted. I had forgotten that I can enjoy the silliest of things in this world. I had forgotten that I enjoy singing, I enjoy eating good food, I enjoy riding my scooty, I enjoy talking, I enjoy looking up to the sky and dreaming, I enjoy reading, I enjoy writing, I enjoy dancing, I enjoy just lying down and doing nothing, I enjoy being a good friend to someone, I enjoy stupid jokes, I enjoy traveling, I enjoy being there for someone when they really need me, I enjoy talking about everything in this world even when I know nothing about it. I enjoy so many things. I had forgotten. This is what I am. How can I forget these and be myself?

A highway of life with its ups and downs but lots of memories that i can carry lightly. This world is large enough that I can find a place for myself. A place where I need not pretend to be someone I am not. A place where I can be happy as I am. Facing the challenges that life will throw at me with my conviction and courage. The end of my journey will be in that place doing my best.

I can go on writing about this topic. It is so so amazing to think about all that i have written. One moment thoughts seem to be flowing out of control and another moment everything is so tranquil. Exhilarating and tiring at the same time. How i wish i could put every signal, every image of my mind as words and phrases here. That's ok. I can feel it and some of it i have been able to transfer here.

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My daughter

When you were born

you were so beautiful 

You were mine 

you were a part of me 

I looked at you and cried 

Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks 

How proud i was to hold you 

You made me a mother 

Thank you for coming into my life 

Thank you for being my daughter 

I learned to love beyond reasons 

~~ 

When you were growing up 

you were beautiful 

You were mine

you were my life 

I looked at you beaming with love 

Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks 

Thank you for coming into my life 

Thank you for being my daughter 

I learned to live selflessly 

~~ 

When you were twenty years old 

you were beautiful 

You were mine 

you were my reason to live 

I looked at you beaming with pride

Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks 

Thank you for coming into my life

Thank you for being my daughter 

I learned to live a life of purpose

~~ 

When you left that day to college 

you were so beautiful 

You had dreams in your eyes 

you had a smile on your lips 

I hugged you tight with love 

Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks 

Thank you for coming into my life 

Thank you for being my daughter 

I learned to live with pride

~~ 

When you came back home in a coffin 

You looked so beautiful 

I looked at you in horror and disbelief 

you, a part of me lying dead and cold 

I hugged you tight lest you should leave me 

Tears of guilt rolled down my cheeks 

Sorry for bringing you into this world

Sorry that you had to be born a girl 

Sorry that i could not safeguard you from the claws of the vultures 

Your pained beauty asked me a thousand questions 

Your lifeless presence broke me into pieces 

~~ 

My daughter - my baby, my joy, my pride, my love, my life 

Thank you for coming into my life 

Thank you for being my daughter 

Thank you for giving me the strength to fight for you 

~~ 

I fight for you 

for every daughter who was you 

for every mother who is me 

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Hallowed by deed - Part 3

This happened many years back. I was traveling in an auto, returning back home after a shopping spree. My train was at 8 PM from Chennai to Coimbatore. I was excited. How could I not be, when I was going home after almost 2 months and that too the first visit home after receiving my first salary. That was why all the shopping. Saree for mom, dresses for my sister. I had cash of 5000 in my purse –a part of my first salary that I was taking home to give to my mom.

Since I was staying at my aunt’s place I had bought some gifts for them too. When I reached home, after paying the auto driver I went in with my hands full of shopping bags. I gave the gifts to my uncle and aunt and my cousin and went into my room to pack my stuffs. That is when I realized with a shock that my purse was missing. I searched through all my stuffs and covers in vain. I told my cousin and he went out to check if the purse had fallen out somewhere while I walked in with the bags – but no use. I started crying.

Considering the financial situation of my family, losing 5000 felt like a crime. I could not stop blaming myself for being so careless. No one could console me. My cousin was quick to react. He was convinced that I had missed the purse in the auto. He took his bike and went to the nearest auto stand to inquire about the auto driver. He also drove around to check if he could spot the auto. But he could not.

I was sobbing badly. It was almost an hour since I had come home. As everyone was trying to console me, the doorbell rang. My cousin went to check and came back with a broad smile on his face. The auto driver had found the purse. With a sigh of relief i found the driver standing at the door holding my purse. He wanted to make sure that I got the purse. He knew it was my purse because of my driving license inside it. After giving the purse he asked me to check if everything was intact. Well, even if he had taken a few hundreds I would not have really bothered at that point. But everything was intact. I could not stop thanking him. I tried to give him some money, but he refused to take it and he left.

Some people are not just hallowed, they are saviors. I don’t remember his face, but his deed will always be remembered with a smile. One of the few situations when I realized the value of being careful also made me believe in the word “integrity”.

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Nostalgia - Part 2

This episode of the series is dedicated to one of the few special people in my life - my sister. This is her creation. I have decided to include this in my series because she will never do it on her own. If she ever decides to collect her thoughts and put them down some where safe, i will be sharing this rare article with her.

I remember, when i read this poem the first time, it was revelation to me that she could possibly be so emotional. Till that time i had never related my sister to the word emotions. I don't know what made her write this small piece at that time when she was so young. I have never asked her about it. The words to me, seem quite heavy for a small girl. May be she was hurt. May be an incident that may sound silly to her today. I can only keep guessing. But this is precious.

"Today"

Today is the day 

when my future slipped away 

Today is the day 

when i was left astray 

Today is the day 

when my enemies were gay 

Today is the day 

when i was stoned away 

Today is the day 

when my heart was stolen away

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Nostalgia - Part 1

This is a series of mind boggling thoughts that i had converted into words - years back. I used to scribble a lot in bits and pieces of paper. Luckily for me, i have saved them all. Today a bulb suddenly glowed in my mind and i dug out those papers from the heap of old stocks at home. When i dusted them out and read them, i went back in time to those days. All those cells that store memories were activated- days and events started rolling out in front of me like a movie.Well, for me these will be my greatest creations ever. This is how i started to write. And this is what even today inspires me to write. One at a time, i will publish each creation here in my blog, so that i will never loose them.

I was in love desperately. A time when fights were a daily affair. Hear break was just around the corner. Almost at the edge of loosing someone whom i considered most important in my life. These words are dancing dolls of emotions that blurted out from my mind. Will naive be an overrated word for this?? I guess most of the creations in this series will be in that line..

"I but U" 

You came in like a stream 

But vanished like a dream 

You gave me thoughts

But took away my words 

You gave me a heart 

But took away the beats 

You showed me my goal

But took away my soul 

You soared me high into dreams

But suddenly plucked away my wings

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