I Stand with #MeToo

Image Source: https://indianexpress.com/article/india/metoo-movement-india-5396200/

#MeToo

Stories are coming out that at first are shocking, then disgusting and then blood boiling. 

#MeToo has opened a can of worms and these worms are so disgusting that you can feel them crawl under your skin. It is clear that sexual harassment has been going on in every field undeterred and women have been painfully putting up with these arrogant, privileged, shameless men for a long period, sometimes decades, the whole time questioning themselves, blaming themselves, convincing themselves and sometimes even hurting themselves. It is heart-breaking to read many of the stories as the trauma and the pain underwent by many women is unimaginable. Men who are considered icons in the field of arts, politics, journalism, cinema are being revealed of their hidden predatory character and it is shocking to imagine how easily they have been fooling the public and their own people by acting normal.

How can they act normally? I cannot imagine the kind of effort they would be putting in to show how good a father, a son, a brother or a friend each one is while their real character is that of a sexual predator. Just imagine, he molests a woman and then gets back home as if nothing has happened and has dinner with family, talks to his son/daughter or goes hang out with friends or even worse gets back home and watches TV or reads books and sleeps peacefully. At the other end, the woman who is actually the victim gets back home, molested, feeling insulted, feeling confused, feeling shocked, feeling let down, feeling cheated, stays silent feeling afraid and spends the night and many nights afterwards, sleepless questioning herself and ultimately either quits the job or  shifts job or continues to work under the same person facing him every day reminding her of the incident again and again never allowing her to recover from the trauma or worse she is shamed, shunned, sidelined or removed from her job.  It is disgusting.

What kind of a society have we become? It is never the fault of the perpetrator, it is always the fault of the victim. It is either her dress or the way she smiles or walks or the way she talks to him or that she drinks with him or that she is ambitious or that she is famous or that she is fame hungry or that she does not have talents or that she is too talented and arrogant or that she is a difficult woman or many other reasons that she was molested for. And "She asked for it"/"She deserves it"/"This had to happen to her anyway"/"Why only you not any of us?"/"Why did you go when he called?"/"Why did you not walk away?"/"Why did not quit the job?" etc, etc are the first reactions that we get to see when a woman complains of being sexually harassed.  It is blood boiling.

When patriarchy and power come to terms it forms a deadly combination. When rich, popular, influential man sexually harasses a woman it is important that the story is put out because such a man has the power to silence, normalize, influence and set a path for many men and women who look up to him. Such men should be held accountable for their actions at any cost.

It is easy to question the victim but it takes a lot of maturity, courage, sensibility and sensitivity to support a woman when she comes out with a story like this.  It does not matter when she comes out or after how many years she comes out. It does not matter through which medium she prefers to narrate her story. It does not matter how old the perpetrator is or how good he is in his field of work or how influential he is. It does not matter if the victim is still in the field of work or not. It does not matter how famous she is. It does not matter what her sexual preferences are. It does not matter what caste she belongs to. It does not matter whether she was drinking with him, dancing with him or travelling with him. If she was sexually harassed we should question the perpetrator and not the victim. We should shame the perpetrator and not the victim. We should stand with the victim and not with the perpetrator. Only then can we make this world a safer place for everyone to live peacefully.

I stand with the victims, do you?