Deal with the D-Devil

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Divorce - A word that most married people dread hearing, a wish some pray to come true in their life, much resented but yet heard frequently in today’s world, that has the tendency to drive many people into a panic mode, that has pushed umpteen men and women into depression and even made them jump into suicide and a word that means freedom to some but doom to many.

The reasons to reach such a decision are many. Each unique and personal to every couple. But the trauma that follows and haunts people after a divorce is almost similar in all cases. When we get used to a person over a period of time, when we get used to a routine over a period of time, we reach a point where missing any of them, no matter how bad it was, creates a vacuum. People generally derive a sense of purpose while trying to work out a bad relationship or trying to find reasons to believe that everything will be all right or while waiting it out for things to get settled or even in the pain that they undergo in a abusive relationship. I believe we human beings are addicted to routine. A routine, happy or painful, gives a meaning to life. This is what creates problem after a divorce. After a divorce that monotonous chain is broken, and people lose the sense of purpose. Most of us don’t know how to cope with the situation. We feel that there is so much of time and nothing to do. This sends us into a mode of self doubt and self pity.

When we turn to friends we find that they are busy with their lives and it is only us that don’t have anything meaningful to do. When we try to take resort in the social media, it makes us more gloomy as face book is full of happy faces with every friend and family member celebrating either a birthday or on a holiday or loudly shouting out a love you message to wife or husband in public, making us feel desperate. All these makes us feel lonely and we start hating ourselves for taking such a decision. It takes our mind to a turn where we start suspecting our choice. For many working people divorce is a phase where they mess up their professional life. The tension, the sleepless nights, the self humiliation and self pity makes us loose interest and concentration on work. All these doubts, confusions and frustration leads to a path of self loath and complete loss of self respect.

I am not here to give a solution to come out of this phase. Because there is no one magic formula which can bring anyone out of this wretched situation. Through my own experience i have come to an understanding that each of us needs our own time to come out of this. But giving up is definitely not the most attractive option, though it is the easiest. It may feel great to keep pondering on what went wrong and why this is happening ‘only to me’. It also feels great to replay some of the great moments spent together and try to relish every bit of it as if hanging to the last piece of rope that is stopping you from falling into a dark sea of reality.

I say, leave the rope and plunge into the reality. Deal with it. It’s the fact.

The quicker we accept the fact about divorce the quicker we can get over it. Always remember that divorce was the only option. Nothing could have solved the situation and made life better. It was decision well taken. Next is to stay away from social media. Travel - travel as much as possible, either alone or with friends or with a group of unknown people. Meet new people, make new friends. Read - read lot of books, both fiction and non-fiction, politics, history and biographies. Plan every day such that the day is packed. If there is enough time left, identify a hobby or a hidden talent and start learning something new - Either a new language or some kind of Art or a new sport. A packed busy day, leaves no time to brood.

Finding a job in case of people without job is also a great way out. Even a small job with a small pay goes a long way in dealing the situation.

These are some common things to deal with the monster called divorce. My ideas may not suit another personality. There are few people who find solace in their job. But it is important to remember that job is not the world. The world is much bigger than a cubicle or even the four walls of an office. I believe regaining lost confidence , self respect and feeling good about oneself is the most important thing to move ahead in life. There is nothing wrong in discussing things with good friends or supportive family members or even getting professional help from a psychologist or a therapist.

One point to remember always is that there are many many people out there who have gone through something similar and have come out of it and succeeded in life. “We are not alone in this”. There are people who can support and help. Life is much larger than one Divorce.