My simple encounter with nature

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As I stood there looking at the evening sky, the soft wind caressed my hair. I could smell the wetness of the soil and the freshness of the greenery around me. I was feeling light and fresh. Standing like that I wanted to dissipate into the cool breeze like sawdust and travel through all the plains, flying between the trees, touching and playing with the soil, hitting the mountains and splashing the mighty sea. I felt aroused by just being present there at that time.

The lady of the house came around explaining how much she enjoyed staying in such a quaint place away from the busy city. Taking her seat in a chair she explained to me about her small vegetable garden in front of her house. I could sense the child in her while she was talking. She said “I plant one seed of a bean and that one seed sprouts into a plant which bears about 20 beans and each bean has at least 10 seeds inside it. Look at how nature is giving back to us”. Wow! It was such a powerful statement.  I could not help but wonder at the power of nature. But how much do we appreciate the nature that gives us so much? 

She said that every evening she sits in front of her little garden and watches the tiny garden lizard come to the garden and hide in the plants. They sumptuously feed on the moths that come to eat the plants. And thus this small garden sustains an ecosystem. It felt wonderful listening to her speak with the enthusiasm of a kid. Being a gated community away from the city, there is vast empty land around her house. She believes in natural farming and hence she simply throws various kinds of seeds all together onto the empty land around her house. She waters it daily. All these seeds of various plants sprout and grow together. For her, it is more about the happiness and satisfaction than the outcome of it. In this method she has grown beans, ladies finger, green chillies, Green leaves, tomato and may other vegetables all together like a vegetable forest. Initially, the residents of the colony were against her using up the free land. But she convinced them that anyone could bulldoze her garden and she would not feel for it as she looked at enjoying the current moment than worrying about the future. 

I stood there listening to her words and it kindled a sense of happiness within me. All my tiredness of the travel and the long day’s work vanished. I wanted to leave my life in the city and move into that small village. I felt like I could stay there forever and would never want to return to the city life. Nature truly is a magic. We get so much engrossed in our race to earn a living in the city that we have lost touch with nature. Like she said, we are stuck in an imaginary world filled with man-made comforts. We don’t know the real comfort. Comfort is not living in a busy crowded fast paced city and spending a rare weekend in a village paying for the experience. Real comfort is living in a village and living life with nature forever. I wish to live such a life soon. I look forward to those days.

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Why are You Happy?

Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think. ~ Buddha

What makes you Happy? This is a difficult question for me to answer. Why are you Happy now? At times, this is an even more difficult question for me to answer. That's because sometimes I feel happy without any valid reason. Today, I and my mom had an argument. It was about being Happy. She is a woman who has gone through too many hardships in her life. I love and respect her a lot. All her experiences and struggles have made her believe that an episode of happiness and joy in life will definitely be followed by a tragedy and hence she is afraid of being happy. But one question to all the people who believe in her theory - Do you ever think about the impending happy moments when you are in great pain/grief/sorrow and get excited about it? NO, right? Okay, I guess you have got my point.

I am a person who believes in being happy even during distress. Sorrow, pain, sickness or grief is a part of life. One or the other will definitely pay a visit now and then to make life a roller coaster ride. There is no escape from it. But what I believe is even in such a moment a person should believe in Happiness and not be afraid of it because happiness is not an object, it is a state of mind. It cannot be bought. It has to be created in our mind.

This society, through its various mediums, has trained us to link happiness to certain objects, activities, and situations. And that is the source of all these negative thoughts about happiness. Happiness is definitely not shopping, partying, watching the movie, cooking, buying expensive stuff or laughing out loud at silly jokes, marrying your loved one or even having children. These are all goodies - things that make us feel good for the moment. These are things we have been made to believe will make us happy. If these were real happiness why aren't we always Happy? Why be afraid of losing happiness? 

Real happiness is to be able to undergo a pleasant experience that will stay with you and make you feel peaceful throughout your life. It is a state of mind. It is to be at peace with oneself even in the most difficult situations. It is to look beyond these endless search for happiness. It is a bliss that you feel, a flying feel that keeps you aware of every moment. 

For me, real happiness is helping someone in need, however, small that help is and not feel great about it but feel humbled by the situation. It is again a state of mind. This we can do anytime and anywhere. What is required is the right mindset to do that. This is where the difference lies when someone says it is not right to be happy when there is a death in the family. When there is a death we grieve and it is natural. What is important is to deal with it. Not by doing shopping or watching a movie but by feeling humbled about the short life on this earth and seeing beyond materialistic pleasure the real sense of happiness. Help someone not because you are capable of, or not because someone needs it. Help because you feel like giving.

Is there a better way to convey this? Maybe there is. But I am lost for words. It is simply a state of mind. When it is that way, there is no fear of losing it to any kind of sorrow or pain. Don't link happiness to anything but to you inner self. I wish I could make it any simpler. Just stay Happy even when you have not got what you always wanted. :-)

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Catch them young

 

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Few years back one of my friend told me about a great book she had read - "The Secret" by Ronda Byrne. I started to read it but somehow could not complete. Recently i have been hearing about "Mindful living". I am trying to understand the advantages of this too. There are so many other theories and practices that i have heard about from various friends and family members. Every time it's about happy living or living a rich life (not in terms of money but in terms of experiences) or living a peaceful life or how to live a life of your dreams and on and on. All of these have been from mostly people of my age or elder than me. I have never heard children speak about these things.

But why is it that when we are old enough to handle our own lives we suddenly think about it. I have wondered, why is this not taught to us as part of our growing years either by schools or by our parents? How many of us who read these stuffs actually motivate our own children to read these and practice from a very young age? I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

I may be wrong when i say that most of us don't want our kids to feel these experiences in their childhood. There might be few of us who actually practice it and also leads their children into this form of mindful, peaceful, rich living. But frankly most of us don't do it. We read it, feel good about it for some time and forget it. Some of us read these stuffs, try to follow it for sometime and give up in between as we get busy with our routine life. There are actually very few who practice it and even fewer who impart it to children. If these theories and practices are so helpful then why not teach it?

Numerous research activities have proven that anything that is instilled from a young age becomes a habit rather a life style. We put our children to music classes, sports, painting classes and even make them learn languages at a young age as they are considered very important for the development of the child. We try to teach them good manners, etiquette, nice behavior and so on, since they are required for a person to be considered part of civilized society and community. But do we give them the secret of leading a enriched, peaceful, pleasant, positive life? If we make this also a part of their routine - if not at school at least at home, won't they grow up to be a much better human being? We concentrate so much on pushing them into a rat race for money and power that we forget the importance of teaching them all the rich secrets of living a really enriched life.

It might be difficult for young minds to grab the depth of such life skills. But when it becomes a part of their daily life, they will evolve into a human being with deep sense of themselves and humanity in general. They will start valuing themselves better and also be a better human being and be able to lead a much happier life. Don't we want our kids to be really happy than live a life of competition and frustration. If we can sow the seeds of goodness and mindfulness in them at a very young age how nice it would be.

May be some of us should actually try this and share the difference that we see in our kids.

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Deal with the D-Devil

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Divorce - A word that most married people dread hearing, a wish some pray to come true in their life, much resented but yet heard frequently in today’s world, that has the tendency to drive many people into a panic mode, that has pushed umpteen men and women into depression and even made them jump into suicide and a word that means freedom to some but doom to many.

The reasons to reach such a decision are many. Each unique and personal to every couple. But the trauma that follows and haunts people after a divorce is almost similar in all cases. When we get used to a person over a period of time, when we get used to a routine over a period of time, we reach a point where missing any of them, no matter how bad it was, creates a vacuum. People generally derive a sense of purpose while trying to work out a bad relationship or trying to find reasons to believe that everything will be all right or while waiting it out for things to get settled or even in the pain that they undergo in a abusive relationship. I believe we human beings are addicted to routine. A routine, happy or painful, gives a meaning to life. This is what creates problem after a divorce. After a divorce that monotonous chain is broken, and people lose the sense of purpose. Most of us don’t know how to cope with the situation. We feel that there is so much of time and nothing to do. This sends us into a mode of self doubt and self pity.

When we turn to friends we find that they are busy with their lives and it is only us that don’t have anything meaningful to do. When we try to take resort in the social media, it makes us more gloomy as face book is full of happy faces with every friend and family member celebrating either a birthday or on a holiday or loudly shouting out a love you message to wife or husband in public, making us feel desperate. All these makes us feel lonely and we start hating ourselves for taking such a decision. It takes our mind to a turn where we start suspecting our choice. For many working people divorce is a phase where they mess up their professional life. The tension, the sleepless nights, the self humiliation and self pity makes us loose interest and concentration on work. All these doubts, confusions and frustration leads to a path of self loath and complete loss of self respect.

I am not here to give a solution to come out of this phase. Because there is no one magic formula which can bring anyone out of this wretched situation. Through my own experience i have come to an understanding that each of us needs our own time to come out of this. But giving up is definitely not the most attractive option, though it is the easiest. It may feel great to keep pondering on what went wrong and why this is happening ‘only to me’. It also feels great to replay some of the great moments spent together and try to relish every bit of it as if hanging to the last piece of rope that is stopping you from falling into a dark sea of reality.

I say, leave the rope and plunge into the reality. Deal with it. It’s the fact.

The quicker we accept the fact about divorce the quicker we can get over it. Always remember that divorce was the only option. Nothing could have solved the situation and made life better. It was decision well taken. Next is to stay away from social media. Travel - travel as much as possible, either alone or with friends or with a group of unknown people. Meet new people, make new friends. Read - read lot of books, both fiction and non-fiction, politics, history and biographies. Plan every day such that the day is packed. If there is enough time left, identify a hobby or a hidden talent and start learning something new - Either a new language or some kind of Art or a new sport. A packed busy day, leaves no time to brood.

Finding a job in case of people without job is also a great way out. Even a small job with a small pay goes a long way in dealing the situation.

These are some common things to deal with the monster called divorce. My ideas may not suit another personality. There are few people who find solace in their job. But it is important to remember that job is not the world. The world is much bigger than a cubicle or even the four walls of an office. I believe regaining lost confidence , self respect and feeling good about oneself is the most important thing to move ahead in life. There is nothing wrong in discussing things with good friends or supportive family members or even getting professional help from a psychologist or a therapist.

One point to remember always is that there are many many people out there who have gone through something similar and have come out of it and succeeded in life. “We are not alone in this”. There are people who can support and help. Life is much larger than one Divorce.

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Redefined Happiness

Happiness means something different to every individual. You can be happy at various occasions for various reasons. I too had my definition for happiness clearly etched out for myself for a long time. I believed I was happy. Well, someday things had to change and I had to redefine my happiness. An emotional realization of the worth of my time and value had been long impending.

Weekends were crazy for me. I had no time to think about anything other than spending time with my friends. It was either a shopping with a friend or a movie-watching with another friend or a lunch with someone else or just a “hi, how are you” catching up with few others. That was all I could think of during weekends and surprisingly enough I being a person who always likes to take things slow, all the weekends were tiring and major energy drainers for me. So much tiring were the weekends that Monday mornings which were already scary enough became sickening for me. I started dragging myself to work on Mondays pulling the burden of the sleep deprived week ends under my eyes. My colleagues used to wonder what the hell I do on weekends. But I claimed that I was happy. I believed that this is what kept me busy and going.

Then one fine day I met with a small accident. I hurt my leg badly. I had to hop around with one leg for few days. Going to a doctor was by itself a Herculean task and I needed a person’s help to climb up and down the steps to my first floor apartment. My mom had a tough time with me. Every alternate day she would accompany me to hospital for redressing my wound. My neighbors helped me to climb up and down during my first two outings.

That is when I realized how lonely I was if not for my family. Except for couple of my very good friends, none of my busy friends even bothered to call me or inquire upon my absence from their busy lives. Few of them whom I considered very close did not even bother to offer help over a trip to hospital. In all sense, the reality struck me hard.

Although a bit unhappy, I did not worry too much about their unconcern for me. Rather I pondered over the priority I had set up in my life. I realized life had become a mess because of being a "People-Pleaser". For my own good, I re-prioritized. I was not upset anymore. I became much more aware of where I put my time and effort. Even now sometimes I struggle to say a “NO” to a call from a friend. But I have trekked a long way on this path and now I can turn back and not feel worried about my priorities. I have started taking it slow and steady to create happy and healthy relationships that are nurturing and satisfying.

Every time before you say a “YES”, find a reason for not saying a “NO”.

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Awakening

Life can throw situations at you which will open up a totally new perspective. Life that seemed so simple and straight forward starts to look like a Pandora’s Box. Things happen that you would never even have imagined about. Life which was so normal seems to have turned into mystery. You are left to find your own way in a maze of people and emotions. The very basis on which you had built your life seems to be shaken. The world that was in a beautiful bubble seems to be shrinking.

Few days back I heard news about a friend who was once very close to me, having been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. We were friends – close friends before 10 years. We used to do combined studies for our 12th class public exams. It was either at her place or at mine. We spent countless nights together preparing for our exams drinking masala tea that her mom prepared for us or my mom’s coffee that kept us awake night out. We even came close to each other’s family. We had a bit of unspoken competition between us. But that was only when it came to studies, in everything else we were together.

Once the exams were over we separated our ways to join different colleges. Neither of us tried to contact each other after that. I don’t know why. Thanks to face book, I came to know that she is married and settled in the US with 2 adorable kids. I felt happy for her.

But then I heard the new about her Cancer. I know how difficult it is going to be for her to fight a disease that can shatter her both physically and emotionally. But what has been pricking me from the day I heard the news is the fact that she was once a close friend of mine and today I am just a friend who is sympathizing her situation discussing about it over a cup of coffee. How we had pushed a wonderful relationship into almost oblivion.

People are the most important part of our lives. Every day we meet new people. We get close to some by choice and to some for no reason. The impact they have on our life is immeasurable. As we travel through time in our life, we choose to forget some of these people. For no reason they disappear. For all the time we have spent together, a single phone call might instill life into that relationship. But we choose not to do so. We don’t have time.

It pained to think about all the amazing friendships that I had lost in my journey of life - some wonderful people who had been a very important part of my life at different periods. I am not sure if I will be able to revive all of those connections. But I will definitely try to get in touch with at least few of them and start a fresh chapter with them. What else will be there for me to live on when I grow old, other than memories about people and places?

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Picturesque Highway

Watching the Hindi movie "Highway". How I wish I could travel like the characters in the movie. Be care free like the character of Alia bhat "Veera" in the movie in spite of all the challenges she had to face through the journey.Travel the paths of life without worrying about the destination, just enjoying the journey. Take life in its stride without worrying about the uncertain future. Be myself, without having to be approved by so many people around. Not having to worry about being judged on my life and my living.

We do so many things every day. Every day, every moment is a new one - philosophically. When I talk so much about these kind of stuffs, you might be wondering whether I believe in what i say - all this philosophy about life and living the moment. Well, I am just starting to believe myself. I have come to realize that believing my own instincts is much safer and satisfying than taking to others opinions. One less norm breaking person is not going to do any harm to this society. Well I agree buying a house and a car and marrying and having kids is good but not the most important thing in my life. If these things can happen as a by product of my day to day happiness then I will be thrilled as others would want me to be.

Ultimately as we always hear, life is too short for regrets. One day suddenly i may die. What is the use of struggling everyday now for attaining 'the position' in this society, the same society which will not even bother to look for me once I am gone. Who really cares for me? All my answers have been reasons to feel better or just a reassurance about what i have believed for so many years. No one will leave this world along with me. Life will continue as it was - minus Malini. No, my grandchildren will not remember my name because i bought a house and a car and they definitely will not miss me.

In my struggle to prove my worth I had forgotten what I really wanted. I had forgotten that I can enjoy the silliest of things in this world. I had forgotten that I enjoy singing, I enjoy eating good food, I enjoy riding my scooty, I enjoy talking, I enjoy looking up to the sky and dreaming, I enjoy reading, I enjoy writing, I enjoy dancing, I enjoy just lying down and doing nothing, I enjoy being a good friend to someone, I enjoy stupid jokes, I enjoy traveling, I enjoy being there for someone when they really need me, I enjoy talking about everything in this world even when I know nothing about it. I enjoy so many things. I had forgotten. This is what I am. How can I forget these and be myself?

A highway of life with its ups and downs but lots of memories that i can carry lightly. This world is large enough that I can find a place for myself. A place where I need not pretend to be someone I am not. A place where I can be happy as I am. Facing the challenges that life will throw at me with my conviction and courage. The end of my journey will be in that place doing my best.

I can go on writing about this topic. It is so so amazing to think about all that i have written. One moment thoughts seem to be flowing out of control and another moment everything is so tranquil. Exhilarating and tiring at the same time. How i wish i could put every signal, every image of my mind as words and phrases here. That's ok. I can feel it and some of it i have been able to transfer here.

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Tears of Blessing

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What is a blessing? How do you count your blessings? I have never thought about these things before. I suppose when you do a good deed you will be blessed. That is the simplest and easiest definition my mind can find out now. I would like to believe that the size of the deed does not matter. But ultimately the word blessing does bring a sense of satisfaction and happiness in my mind. The very thought that someone might be wishing you good is a pleasant feeling. But there are rarely times when people bless you aloud out of gratification and love. I guess the only response to such a blessing could be a drop of tear in your eyes.

My eyes were moist today by the end of the telephone conversation. On the other side of the call was an old woman pouring words of blessings and love on me. She called me “an angel”, “darling”, “daughter” and so on. Now you know why my eyes welled. And what did I do to be so much blessed? I attended to that lady when she was sick and hospitalized. It was not the greatest deed according to me. It was a good one, though. She was seriously sick and her daughter (my friend and colleague in office) was struggling between her home, hospital and office. I just offered to help my friend by filling in a gap of the time she could not be there in the hospital for 2 days. And what did I get back, loads and loads of love from her mother? I was sincerely touched and moved by her words. I could do nothing but smile at her praise. But at this end of the call, with a smile, I could feel a drop of tear welling up in my eyes.

Love has no definition. Love has no boundary. Love has no reason. But beyond all these statements, there are situations when love has a definition and reason. When someone expresses such a love, for a few moments you feel proud of yourself. You beam with a satisfaction of having done something great. Even the smallest of a timely help from you can bring you enormous blessing and love.

If you don’t agree with me, try it yourself. Tell me if you don’t feel good about yourself.

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Feel good

I Feel good.

When i started to write, i was hesitant. I did not have the confidence to write, though i wanted to. But now, just 2 posts down i can feel the difference, hesitance being replaced little by little with certainty. That is what we humans are like isn't it?

We are always hesitant to venture into the unknown. It frightens us to think of a situation where we are unsure of what we are doing. We are so happy and satisfied with the monotony of the known world that we forget to acknowledge the frustration that keeps building within us due to the monotony. We hate the word monotony not because we want to change it, but because we are afraid that accepting that word will make us think something different and then we will have to pull ourselves into doing something that we don't know.

But believe me it is a great feeling to learn something that we are not sure of and gradually become aware of how much we enjoy doing it. It will give a satisfaction that will make you happy from inside. It could bring out a part of you which will smile for silly things and make you enjoy small successes which will be dear to you. We will make mistakes. But ultimately we learn and rejoice in it.

I wish to write more and why not, when it makes me happy and brings a sense of relief to me. I wish everyone finds a way to break the monotony at least for sometime.

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