Catch them young

 

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Few years back one of my friend told me about a great book she had read - "The Secret" by Ronda Byrne. I started to read it but somehow could not complete. Recently i have been hearing about "Mindful living". I am trying to understand the advantages of this too. There are so many other theories and practices that i have heard about from various friends and family members. Every time it's about happy living or living a rich life (not in terms of money but in terms of experiences) or living a peaceful life or how to live a life of your dreams and on and on. All of these have been from mostly people of my age or elder than me. I have never heard children speak about these things.

But why is it that when we are old enough to handle our own lives we suddenly think about it. I have wondered, why is this not taught to us as part of our growing years either by schools or by our parents? How many of us who read these stuffs actually motivate our own children to read these and practice from a very young age? I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

I may be wrong when i say that most of us don't want our kids to feel these experiences in their childhood. There might be few of us who actually practice it and also leads their children into this form of mindful, peaceful, rich living. But frankly most of us don't do it. We read it, feel good about it for some time and forget it. Some of us read these stuffs, try to follow it for sometime and give up in between as we get busy with our routine life. There are actually very few who practice it and even fewer who impart it to children. If these theories and practices are so helpful then why not teach it?

Numerous research activities have proven that anything that is instilled from a young age becomes a habit rather a life style. We put our children to music classes, sports, painting classes and even make them learn languages at a young age as they are considered very important for the development of the child. We try to teach them good manners, etiquette, nice behavior and so on, since they are required for a person to be considered part of civilized society and community. But do we give them the secret of leading a enriched, peaceful, pleasant, positive life? If we make this also a part of their routine - if not at school at least at home, won't they grow up to be a much better human being? We concentrate so much on pushing them into a rat race for money and power that we forget the importance of teaching them all the rich secrets of living a really enriched life.

It might be difficult for young minds to grab the depth of such life skills. But when it becomes a part of their daily life, they will evolve into a human being with deep sense of themselves and humanity in general. They will start valuing themselves better and also be a better human being and be able to lead a much happier life. Don't we want our kids to be really happy than live a life of competition and frustration. If we can sow the seeds of goodness and mindfulness in them at a very young age how nice it would be.

May be some of us should actually try this and share the difference that we see in our kids.

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Deal with the D-Devil

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Divorce - A word that most married people dread hearing, a wish some pray to come true in their life, much resented but yet heard frequently in today’s world, that has the tendency to drive many people into a panic mode, that has pushed umpteen men and women into depression and even made them jump into suicide and a word that means freedom to some but doom to many.

The reasons to reach such a decision are many. Each unique and personal to every couple. But the trauma that follows and haunts people after a divorce is almost similar in all cases. When we get used to a person over a period of time, when we get used to a routine over a period of time, we reach a point where missing any of them, no matter how bad it was, creates a vacuum. People generally derive a sense of purpose while trying to work out a bad relationship or trying to find reasons to believe that everything will be all right or while waiting it out for things to get settled or even in the pain that they undergo in a abusive relationship. I believe we human beings are addicted to routine. A routine, happy or painful, gives a meaning to life. This is what creates problem after a divorce. After a divorce that monotonous chain is broken, and people lose the sense of purpose. Most of us don’t know how to cope with the situation. We feel that there is so much of time and nothing to do. This sends us into a mode of self doubt and self pity.

When we turn to friends we find that they are busy with their lives and it is only us that don’t have anything meaningful to do. When we try to take resort in the social media, it makes us more gloomy as face book is full of happy faces with every friend and family member celebrating either a birthday or on a holiday or loudly shouting out a love you message to wife or husband in public, making us feel desperate. All these makes us feel lonely and we start hating ourselves for taking such a decision. It takes our mind to a turn where we start suspecting our choice. For many working people divorce is a phase where they mess up their professional life. The tension, the sleepless nights, the self humiliation and self pity makes us loose interest and concentration on work. All these doubts, confusions and frustration leads to a path of self loath and complete loss of self respect.

I am not here to give a solution to come out of this phase. Because there is no one magic formula which can bring anyone out of this wretched situation. Through my own experience i have come to an understanding that each of us needs our own time to come out of this. But giving up is definitely not the most attractive option, though it is the easiest. It may feel great to keep pondering on what went wrong and why this is happening ‘only to me’. It also feels great to replay some of the great moments spent together and try to relish every bit of it as if hanging to the last piece of rope that is stopping you from falling into a dark sea of reality.

I say, leave the rope and plunge into the reality. Deal with it. It’s the fact.

The quicker we accept the fact about divorce the quicker we can get over it. Always remember that divorce was the only option. Nothing could have solved the situation and made life better. It was decision well taken. Next is to stay away from social media. Travel - travel as much as possible, either alone or with friends or with a group of unknown people. Meet new people, make new friends. Read - read lot of books, both fiction and non-fiction, politics, history and biographies. Plan every day such that the day is packed. If there is enough time left, identify a hobby or a hidden talent and start learning something new - Either a new language or some kind of Art or a new sport. A packed busy day, leaves no time to brood.

Finding a job in case of people without job is also a great way out. Even a small job with a small pay goes a long way in dealing the situation.

These are some common things to deal with the monster called divorce. My ideas may not suit another personality. There are few people who find solace in their job. But it is important to remember that job is not the world. The world is much bigger than a cubicle or even the four walls of an office. I believe regaining lost confidence , self respect and feeling good about oneself is the most important thing to move ahead in life. There is nothing wrong in discussing things with good friends or supportive family members or even getting professional help from a psychologist or a therapist.

One point to remember always is that there are many many people out there who have gone through something similar and have come out of it and succeeded in life. “We are not alone in this”. There are people who can support and help. Life is much larger than one Divorce.

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Awakening

Life can throw situations at you which will open up a totally new perspective. Life that seemed so simple and straight forward starts to look like a Pandora’s Box. Things happen that you would never even have imagined about. Life which was so normal seems to have turned into mystery. You are left to find your own way in a maze of people and emotions. The very basis on which you had built your life seems to be shaken. The world that was in a beautiful bubble seems to be shrinking.

Few days back I heard news about a friend who was once very close to me, having been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. We were friends – close friends before 10 years. We used to do combined studies for our 12th class public exams. It was either at her place or at mine. We spent countless nights together preparing for our exams drinking masala tea that her mom prepared for us or my mom’s coffee that kept us awake night out. We even came close to each other’s family. We had a bit of unspoken competition between us. But that was only when it came to studies, in everything else we were together.

Once the exams were over we separated our ways to join different colleges. Neither of us tried to contact each other after that. I don’t know why. Thanks to face book, I came to know that she is married and settled in the US with 2 adorable kids. I felt happy for her.

But then I heard the new about her Cancer. I know how difficult it is going to be for her to fight a disease that can shatter her both physically and emotionally. But what has been pricking me from the day I heard the news is the fact that she was once a close friend of mine and today I am just a friend who is sympathizing her situation discussing about it over a cup of coffee. How we had pushed a wonderful relationship into almost oblivion.

People are the most important part of our lives. Every day we meet new people. We get close to some by choice and to some for no reason. The impact they have on our life is immeasurable. As we travel through time in our life, we choose to forget some of these people. For no reason they disappear. For all the time we have spent together, a single phone call might instill life into that relationship. But we choose not to do so. We don’t have time.

It pained to think about all the amazing friendships that I had lost in my journey of life - some wonderful people who had been a very important part of my life at different periods. I am not sure if I will be able to revive all of those connections. But I will definitely try to get in touch with at least few of them and start a fresh chapter with them. What else will be there for me to live on when I grow old, other than memories about people and places?

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Feel good

I Feel good.

When i started to write, i was hesitant. I did not have the confidence to write, though i wanted to. But now, just 2 posts down i can feel the difference, hesitance being replaced little by little with certainty. That is what we humans are like isn't it?

We are always hesitant to venture into the unknown. It frightens us to think of a situation where we are unsure of what we are doing. We are so happy and satisfied with the monotony of the known world that we forget to acknowledge the frustration that keeps building within us due to the monotony. We hate the word monotony not because we want to change it, but because we are afraid that accepting that word will make us think something different and then we will have to pull ourselves into doing something that we don't know.

But believe me it is a great feeling to learn something that we are not sure of and gradually become aware of how much we enjoy doing it. It will give a satisfaction that will make you happy from inside. It could bring out a part of you which will smile for silly things and make you enjoy small successes which will be dear to you. We will make mistakes. But ultimately we learn and rejoice in it.

I wish to write more and why not, when it makes me happy and brings a sense of relief to me. I wish everyone finds a way to break the monotony at least for sometime.

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