Why are You Happy?

Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think. ~ Buddha

What makes you Happy? This is a difficult question for me to answer. Why are you Happy now? At times, this is an even more difficult question for me to answer. That's because sometimes I feel happy without any valid reason. Today, I and my mom had an argument. It was about being Happy. She is a woman who has gone through too many hardships in her life. I love and respect her a lot. All her experiences and struggles have made her believe that an episode of happiness and joy in life will definitely be followed by a tragedy and hence she is afraid of being happy. But one question to all the people who believe in her theory - Do you ever think about the impending happy moments when you are in great pain/grief/sorrow and get excited about it? NO, right? Okay, I guess you have got my point.

I am a person who believes in being happy even during distress. Sorrow, pain, sickness or grief is a part of life. One or the other will definitely pay a visit now and then to make life a roller coaster ride. There is no escape from it. But what I believe is even in such a moment a person should believe in Happiness and not be afraid of it because happiness is not an object, it is a state of mind. It cannot be bought. It has to be created in our mind.

This society, through its various mediums, has trained us to link happiness to certain objects, activities, and situations. And that is the source of all these negative thoughts about happiness. Happiness is definitely not shopping, partying, watching the movie, cooking, buying expensive stuff or laughing out loud at silly jokes, marrying your loved one or even having children. These are all goodies - things that make us feel good for the moment. These are things we have been made to believe will make us happy. If these were real happiness why aren't we always Happy? Why be afraid of losing happiness? 

Real happiness is to be able to undergo a pleasant experience that will stay with you and make you feel peaceful throughout your life. It is a state of mind. It is to be at peace with oneself even in the most difficult situations. It is to look beyond these endless search for happiness. It is a bliss that you feel, a flying feel that keeps you aware of every moment. 

For me, real happiness is helping someone in need, however, small that help is and not feel great about it but feel humbled by the situation. It is again a state of mind. This we can do anytime and anywhere. What is required is the right mindset to do that. This is where the difference lies when someone says it is not right to be happy when there is a death in the family. When there is a death we grieve and it is natural. What is important is to deal with it. Not by doing shopping or watching a movie but by feeling humbled about the short life on this earth and seeing beyond materialistic pleasure the real sense of happiness. Help someone not because you are capable of, or not because someone needs it. Help because you feel like giving.

Is there a better way to convey this? Maybe there is. But I am lost for words. It is simply a state of mind. When it is that way, there is no fear of losing it to any kind of sorrow or pain. Don't link happiness to anything but to you inner self. I wish I could make it any simpler. Just stay Happy even when you have not got what you always wanted. :-)

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Unique, not Different

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Every topic I write here has an inspiration. I believe it to be the same with almost all writers. Certain incidents arouse a strong feeling to write. Today I read a story about a girl and her differently-abled brother in a website. It was a touching story and it brought about a flush of thoughts into me. 

The way we treat every different person. We as a society have defined a particular way to look at and judge a person. It has been invisibly taught to us by our parents, teachers, friends and the people around us. The first thing we do when we meet a person is, try to know as much about him/her as possible even if the meeting is just a casual one and the chances of meeting that person again are bleak. But we ask all sorts of questions and through their answers, we build an image of that person and then compare that image to the image that is imbibed in our computer brain and check if they fit that image. If they don't then we get uncomfortable. 

We cannot accept anything that we cannot understand. That is the crux of the whole problem. We want to understand everything. We like to believe that we can understand everything. We understand that there are man and woman. We understand that a man behaves in a certain way and a woman behaves in a certain way. We understand when they each dress in a certain way. We understand that they get educated. We understand that they do the job and earn. We understand that a man and woman fall in love and get married (or) get married and then fall in love. We understand that a man and woman have children biologically. We understand that they build a house. We also understand that they are civilised, well-behaved, well earning and well settled. These are what we understand. This is what we have seen from our childhood. This is what has been happening for ages since this world was created.

What we do not understand is that a human being need not always be a man or a woman. What we don't understand is that a man need not always behave like we know him to be and a woman need not always be like we know her to be. We do not understand that a man need not dress always like we know him and a woman need not always dress the way we know her. We do not understand that all human beings are not the same. A man need not always fall in love with a woman and a woman need not always fall in love with a man. Not all human beings have the same abilities. Not all like the same things. Not all can understand the same rules. We don't understand that some human beings are born differently. Some cannot walk, some cannot talk, some cannot see. We do not understand that some human beings cannot think, like others. Some do not have the abilities like others. 

As I said we are afraid of what we do not understand, and hence, we are afraid of all those human beings and their abilities which we do not understand. And when we are afraid what do we do ? We stay away from them, we avoid them, we curse them, we hate them and sometimes we try to harm them. Just because we cannot understand their existence referring to an image that we have created about a human.

A human being is just a human being with or without hands/legs/eyes/nose/skin/face. Human is a human whether it is a man/woman/straight/lesbian/gay/Bi-sexual/Transgender/Queer. Like you were born with a head, 2 hands, 2 legs, a brain that thinks in a particular way, a body that appears in a particular way, ability to talk, laugh, cry, think, analyse, somebody else is born with 1 leg/2 heads/4 hands/hollow eyes/ability not to think, ability not to laugh, ability not to understand, ability not to analyse. That person is a human being too. Simple. We are all made from the same atom - just the formations and permutations and combinations are different. We are all created by the same God who you believe created this whole universe - just that he created you with a specific structure and created the other in a different structure.

It is inhuman to sideline them, ostracise them, insult them or torture them just because they don't fit into the common mould. Every living thing has the same amount of right to live in this world. Accept each one a unique creation/formation. No one person is same as the other. What we need to learn is to accept the uniqueness and stop trying to fit everyone into the image that we know of. Stop calling them different. Just call them by their name and nothing else. Just address them by their name and nothing else. Respect them for what they are because they are unique like you. If you can help, do it, else just leave it. Is it so difficult?

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WED - What we can do

Yesterday was "WORLD ENVIRONMENT DAY". This has been trending in the social media. My recent interest in social, political and economic news prompted me to google the significance of this day. As a matter of fact, till this year, this special day has never grabbed my attention. Thanks to my active lingering on social media, I got to read some inspiring posts about the deteriorating status of the environment. I was taken aback by the awareness that the social media has been able to generate among the general public about the importance of a healthy environment. While it feels good to see some serious discussions about the environment, there are some things that go unnoticed.

Planting trees has become a rage among people. This is great as forests are a great wealth to the well being of our environment. Trees control temperature, help in purifying air, play an important role in holding the wealth of the soil, contribute to increasing the water bed of the soil and so on. But does planting trees alone make us an environment friendly person? There are few other small but significant practices that we follow which has contributed to the deterioration of the environment all through the years.

The most important environmental issue is one that is rarely mentioned, and that is the lack of a conservation ethic in our culture. – Gaylord Nelson, former U.S. Senator

Uncontrolled use of Vehicles:

On one side we speak about preserving the environment and on the other side people go about buying cars and other vehicles without any control. It is not a new information that air pollution is one big factor for global warming. The exhaust from vehicles is increasing at an alarming rate. In a larger picture the pollution caused by vehicles may seem very small, but over a period of time this keeps increasing and blot starts looking bigger than we thought. As of 2009 India was the third largest emitter of carbon dioxide after China and the United States. And 9% of India's emission were from transportation. 9% may seem small but this can be reduced by taking some serious measures. Controlling number of vehicles per family, making car pooling compulsory (On Chennai roads 80% of the cars that ply between 8 AM to 11 Am has a single passenger - this is my data) , phasing out old vehicles, ban inferior technologies and diesel, impose heavy duties/taxes to curb huge number of vehicles, improving public transport. These measures can control this type of pollution.

Unscrupulous construction:

This is indeed a direct contributor to environmental destruction. People have this thought that only big dams or factories have adverse effect on the environment, which is not correct. Though these biggies contribute a largely, we individuals are contributing our bit by buying/building houses on reclaimed farm lands, water bodies, environmentally important marshlands etc. And how many of us own more than one house? This is a question we need to ask ourselves. A house is made of sand which is mined from river beds, bricks that are made from soil, cement whose production and consumption is a bane to this earth, steel which is again mined and which in turn has contributed to huge destruction of forests and killing its inhabitants, Wood - yes this directly points to the trees cut. So as the number of houses to build or buy increases, your contribution to environmental destruction directly shoots up. Oh, how much is 2 or 3 of my houses going to destroy nature? Let me tell you , that destruction is not calculated on a one to one basis, it is always exponential. 

Consumerism:

We have become a consumerist crowd. We like to indulge in all the latest technologies,pamper ourselves with the most expensive items one can buy. The consumerist culture has made us buy things that we don't want or never use and also to buy more than we want. Mobile phones, Television, Refrigerator, Laptops, Air coolers - all these we buy and keep changing models every year to satiate our indulging self. But what happens to all the items that we discard? Where do all these items go? Do we have any idea the kind of damage that e-waste is doing to the earth. I would request each one to read a little about it. Then comes eating food - oh yes we love to order food more than we need and we waste it just because we can afford it, no matter it is meat or vegetables - we don't know or don't care for the fact the food we eat also contributes to deforestation and greater emissions. It is all linked. Forests across the world are being destroyed so that they can be converted into grazing land for animals so that we can eat more meat which in turn is ultimately going to make us live a unhealthy life. How sad that we can't see this. Deforestation kills the natural habitat of wild animals and will lead to many more extinct species on this earth.

Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed. – Mahatma Gandhi, Father of India.

These are small things that as individuals we can be aware of in our life. Does this mean we should live a pathetic life without any facilities or advancements ? No, it just means that we need to live a simpler life. Buy/Use only what we really need. Why is it so difficult? What is needed is awareness of what we are doing and little bit of determination.

The theme of this year's World Environment Day is "Zero tolerance for the illegal Wildlife trade". For many of us this earth and its resources were created for the usage of mankind. We don't consider animals and plants a part of it. But when we trade these flora and fauna for money and better sophistication we forget that they are not dependent on us, we are dependent on them. If animals go extinct it will disturb the food chain and the impacts can be terrible for the man kind. This is as simple as i can say it. If Bees go extinct, we will all start scrambling for food. And as per studies bees are disappearing faster than we can imagine. We should start taking environment much seriously. It is the duty of each homo sapien to leave this earth a better place for the future generation. 

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Educate, Equip, Elevate every Girl

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There is something i want to tell myself - I am a feminist. But not the type who jumps into all issues related to woman without trying to understand or study the details of the issue. I believe in equality in every aspect of life: political, economical and social. I believe education is a must for every girl child. Freedom to move around, mingle with people and learn from experiences is also a very important aspect for the growth of a girl into a strong and independent woman. I also believe that a girl should be brought up with conviction to take any decision without fear and guilt. She should also be given the strength to live by her decision and change it whenever she wants.

When i beleive in all these, i also have to acknowledge the fact that it is not easy and it is not going to happen over night. It will take years for something as basic as education, which we take for granted to reach some girls in our country. There are many girls for whom school is a dream.

Every girl is born into a unique environment. The environment consists of her family, neighbours,community, religion, geography of her location, economy of her community, so forth and so on. Every aspect plays an important part in shaping her as a person. No common rule is going to be suitable for the whole girl child population of a country. Because the effect they are going to have on a child will also vary according to her environment and the impact of her environment. This has to be accepted. The environment and needs of a girl born in a remote village of Rajasthan is not the same as a girl born in Mumbai or a girl born in Delhi or even in a remote village of Tamilnadu or Kerala.

But one fact can never be denied, that education can create a common platform for all the girls from various background, religion and communities to mingle with each other, learn and share. This is the first step to growth that many like me dream about. Education might not give them complete freedom like we dream, as most of the girls are bound by the rules of the family, community and religion, but it definitely empowers them to think differently and fight for a change. That is the need of the hour. Education is the window to the world. For some girls it might open the gates to great opportunities, but to many it will be a weapon to fight against oppression at the basic level like their home. Quality education can equip them to question baseless practices and norms in a society with confidence. Knowledge is powerful as it raises voice against beliefs. Education also gives strength to women to organize, take control and lead. Education has the capacity to liberate a woman socially and economically.

To achieve this i believe education has to be made holistic. Education should be designed in such a way that it fosters good reading skills. Along with a curriculum, it should provide them an opportunity to read works of great authors. As part of education, every school should be provided with a good library which should be well stocked. Also every school should have an active forum where these girls can read, discuss, analyse and debate about various topics. Making education compulsory till higher secondary level for girls is a must if the government has a strong opinion about changing the lives of girls in our country. Public education system should provide for the education of girls till higher secondary. It also should provide enabling facilities like time to time counselling and guidance to girls in schools which will help them deal with the stigma they face regarding various issues in their day to day life. I understand it is difficult for a government to counsel each parent in this country, hence it is imperative that strict action be taken against parents who do not send their girls to schools. Also by giving free education to girls till their higher secondary, a great burden it alleviated from the shoulders of parents who are poor and cannot afford to send their kids to schools.

Girls should grow into woman of substance. In a patriarchal society like ours education is the only key that can slowly liberate women from the deep rooted dogma. If men need to be educated on how to respect a woman, women need education so that they will start respecting themselves and will start questioning boundaries with the backup of a strong ideology.

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First and foremost - An Expectation

A new government has taken charge in Kerala. The expectations are running high in the minds of people who are tired of the shoddy governance, high-profile corruption scandals, and an insensitive ministry during the previous government. This led to a massive landslide victory of the Left democratic front in the state. People have voted them to power expecting rapid transformation to happen in the functioning of the government. There is no doubt that the present government is under immense pressure to revive the lost faith and build confidence in the minds of people and stand by each of the commitment given in the manifesto.

I hope the LDF government will take all steps possible in order to justify their victory. They also have a huge task at hand of proving to the whole country that a LDF government can bring about an inclusive development and equally preserve the secular status of the state which is under threat today. We are in an era where communal unrest is begining to gain momentum across the country.

But in between all these political drama taking place at the helm, people like me are curiosuly waiting to see the stance of the new government on the case in which a dalit girl - Jisha was raped and murdered recently in Perumbavoor. The carelessness with which such a henious crime was dealt with by the police has raised many questions in the minds of people. News papers and channels have been full of speculations about the motive of such lackadaisical enquiry by the police. There have been reports of evidences not being collected or protected properly, a hasty postmortem which was not even recorded and burning of the corpse which is not as per rule in such cases. The crime scene - single room house was not even sealed by the police after the enquiry which is the minimum standard to be followed in such cases. We see that in so many movies. But all these regulations were flouted in the air and today even after almost a month not even a single arrest has been made.

With all the dreams of a flourishing state in my mind, i can't but stop myself from wishing that a drastic step be taken by the government in this case. A girl was raped and murdered. She was a representative of lakhs of such girls who belong to the cornered groups in our society, With no means to proper living conditions these girls struggle all through their life in each step to establish a decent life. When one among them is raped and murdered and if our justice system is unable to deliver justice even after death, hopes and dreams of lakhs of such girls are being trampled. It is an insult to the struggle that many go through to bring about a positive change for their ilk in this society.

I only wish that strict action is taken against the officials who handles this case with so much of indifference and carelessness. If this is done immediately by the government, they will succeed in taking a positive step towards strenghtening the confidence of people like us in this government.

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Ode on the Old

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A smooth surface once,

is now rough and scratched.

Time has etched its lines, 

and the joints are now creaky. 

The hinges make screechy noise; 

when I try to swing its door open.

It has been in my family for so long; 

that I forget when we actually got it.

My father got it done with so much of attention, 

for it was the first in my family.

It was green in color with a glow, 

but now it has brown patches - signs of old age.

Unattended it has stood at a corner always, 

guarding untiringly all our secrets and valuables.

I want to throw it out just because it looks ugly, 

all though I know, to my mom, it is a memento of Dad.

She asks, why throw it when u can fix it to perfection? 

Why do old things irritate you so much when you just need to care for it?

A little bit of touch up is all it requires, 

to become the strong beauty it was long ago. 

Replacing it is easy but, 

nothing today is as durable as it is, even today 

It stands in the memory of so many things of our family; 

How easily you decide to throw it away. 

What will help you kindle your old memories, 

If you don't have anything that connects you to them. 

Throwing away is so convenient, but remember, 

that the replacement will not carry the memories so dear to you.

And what is a human without memories to talk about; 

They are all that we have, to prove our existence in the past.

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Lessons learnt and to be learnt

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There is so much of discussion going on about results of latest assembly elections in TamilNadu, Kerala, Assam, West Bengal and Pondicherry. Governments have been toppled, glorious victories have been claimed, a sustained assertion of power has also taken place and there has been an interesting development of making inroads into an impenetrable zone and even blooming at one place.

My new found interest in politics has come as a surprise to my family as till 2 years back my knowledge in politics was almost negligible and I was one among the crores of educated youth who considered it as a dirty game and took their names only to blame and complain. But what has changed in the past 2 years? When I started talking about politics at home my mom asked me this question. Is it because I had married a man who believed in a strong political ideology and also believed that every citizen should participate in politics? But no, I had woke up to active political discussions even before I met him. I had started to take note of politics in India during the 2014 Parliamentary election. The sudden rise of Mr.Narendra Modi is what kindled the curiosity in me.

I was stuck by the fact that a person who was spoken about across the country with terror, in a short span of few months had become the star crowd puller for his party. All of a sudden he became a model politician and his name could be heard in every nook and corner of the city. The city road sides adorned his huge life size banners screaming out a vision of a developed nation, promising a Gujarat model development plan. Prior to that, i had heard his name scarcely in news bulletins. People who supported him and even argued in his support - like my colleagues in office, I guess would never even have heard or read about him before, were his die hard fan and also were talking about the Gujarat model development about which they had no real statistical idea except for which was presented to them in a shining manifesto. So how come he could garner the attention of the whole nation? How did he mesmerize the youth of the country who had been indifferent to politics till then? This was a puzzle that actually got me to follow politics.

Frankly I have never been his supporter or admirer - but the aura with which he towered over all his friends and enemies in politics did make me notice his personality and also pushed me into following the political developments in the country. Once I started reading in detailed I understood that there was a huge PR strategy behind the whole campaign. The whole campaign was planned by the PR group intelligently targeting the tech savvy youth of the country. We are people who with access to the internet have details about the whole world at our disposal but do not have time to do any analysis or are basically lazy to get into statistical real data and so we will believe and gobble any story given to us in silver plate, cooked as we want it. We can never connect with the ground reality the way we connect with the social community on face book and twitter. So the whole campaign was aimed at bringing us into the magical world of developed India and building stories only around things that we understand or matter to us.

This is one part of the whole plan that I could grasp. I am sure there will be so many other parallel plans developed by the PR agency, which was implemented successfully and hence the unbelievable victory of the greatest show man.

This is one area where the other parties should learn a lesson from this charismatic man. It is imperative that the lessons are learnt by the right people at the right time so that our country gets a real leader who leads his people out of poverty by keeping them safe from the hands of crony capitalists who by the power of monopoly are influencing the policies of the government and pushing the people into poverty. Today the country is developing but its people are just poor and cannot afford the development.

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It is not Love

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She was crying uncontrollably. Sitting on the sofa her whole body was shivering in fear and pain. She was unable to talk in between her sobs. After crying for few minutes she started to calm down. Slowly her deep sobbing turned into a low hissing sound. Like a train coming to halt, she stopped and looked at me sitting across with red, swollen eyes. 

I could make out patches of dried blood in the corner of her swollen lips. There was big red patch showing signs of a blood clot at the corner of her right eye. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, but her short strands of hair falling on her face with red wet eyes made her look much worse. While she was settling down to lay her head on the cushion of the sofa, I noticed her rubbing her left shoulder with a twitch in her already pathetic face. I could see that she was unable to lift her left hand without pain.

I got up from where I was sitting and moved towards her. Sitting beside her I took her hands off from her shoulder and pulled down the t-shirt she was wearing down her left shoulder to look at the source of her discomfort and pain. I was shocked to see that her shoulder was all swollen and it looked like she was assaulted with something heavy. I looked at her with a questioning look. She turned away from me and started to cry again. I put my hands around her shoulder and held her close to me. We sat there like that with her sob disturbing the silence around us. After some time, I helped her lift herself from the sofa. We walked towards the guest bedroom. While she waited sitting in a chair, I made the bed. She then sat on the bed when I went to get her some water. When I came back I saw that she was checking her phone. Seeing me, she put her phone down and looked at me pitifully. Without saying anything I gave her the bottle of water and walked out the room. 

As I walked towards my room where my husband was sleeping deeply, I could not stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I went into my room and laid beside my husband hugging him tightly. 

Hearing the alarm go off I woke up. On my way to the kitchen, I peeped into her room to see if she was sleeping but found her awake with her mobile in her hand. In a fit of rage, I dashed into her room and snatched the mobile from her hand. She was startled. I scrolled through reading the messages on the screen. 

Rajesh: I am sorry... Call me...

Rajesh: I am sorry dear... pls call me.

Rajesh: don't punish me like this... Pls attend my call...

Rajesh: I am tensed, pls attend my call.... u r killing me.

Rajesh: if u don't attend my call now u will never see me alive...

Sandhya: what do u want? why don't u just leave me alone?

Rajesh: I am sorry darling. I shud not have hurt u so much... u know how much I love u... u do stuff that anger me and u know I cannot control myself.... but it is because I love u that I come back to u asking sorry always.

Sandhya: It hurts... I could not sleep the whole night... I cried the whole night. I did not know what to do... U know I love u too. But u cannot hurt me like this.

Rajesh: I am really sorry dear. But I can't stay away from u... U know it is us always... I know where u r now... Coming to pick u up.. I will make it up to u today. Promise me whatever I do you will stay with me... that you will never leave me... I love u so much... u know I cannot live without u...

Sandhya: U shd promise me that you will never ever hurt me again... No matter what happens. Also promise me from the heart, because, every time you promise but never keep up your promise...

Rajesh: I promise from my heart that I will never hurt u again...

Sandhya: mmmm

I looked at her with disbelief. 

"Do you believe he will keep up his promise this time?" I asked her.

"I hope so. He sounds so earnest. And he has been pinging me for so long without sleeping. That should mean something right?" she wanted my reassurance for something which she knew was not right. But what could I say? 

"This is not the first time he is doing this. He said the same during the previous two instances. Why don't you just stay away from him for some time? He has some serious problem. No normal man can beat you up so badly. Let him at least realise his mistake. " I said trying to put some sense into her mind. But she would not listen. 

"I understand your concern, but let me try this one last time. Maybe he is really sorry. I don't want him to suffer because of me. He is so dependent on me. If I leave him he will be devastated", she said pleadingly. 

"What if he hurts you again?" I asked. 

"I will tell him clearly that if he hurts me again I will leave him. I will convey the message strongly. If he wants me, then he has to keep up his promise this time."  said she with a stubborn face. I knew there was no point in trying to argue with her. So, I decided to leave her to her wish. 

The door bell rang. I knew it was him. I opened the door. There he was standing with a tired smile. He looked charming even in his wrinkled dress. There was a single rose in his hand. He peeped across me searchingly. I looked at him furiously but he stood there like an innocent boy. I excused myself from the room so that they could talk. From the kitchen, I could hear his voice murmuring. It was not clear, but I knew he was doing his best to convince her. After few moments she called out to me. They were leaving. I said nothing, but silently let them leave my house. 

Another night, another call on my mobile and I knew this vicious cycle would repeat.

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To A Mother - For What She is Not

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Mother - Personification of Love, Sacrifice and Selflessness. Wow! how wonderful it is to see these words on a face book post that a mother is never going to see or on a twitter message that she will never even learn to open.  I fail to understand why people do this on face book or twitter.

I did not call my mother to wish her on this day neither did i post a message on social media to prove my love for her to the world. Even if i don't call out to her on this day she knows that i love her. I don't care if anyone knows about the kind of relationship i share with her.

I want to dedicate this post to her and to so many like her, for what she is not today, because she is a human being first, a woman next and lastly a mother. How can i forget that?

She is not a singer she wanted to be - because of my strict grandfather  and the orthodox culture of the family then.
She is not a dancer she wanted to be - because of again my strict grandfather and the orthodox culture of the family then.
She is not a degree holder that she wanted to be - because of she had to finish the kitchen cores even when she was 15 years old and educating women was the last priority in the family.
She is not a teacher she wanted to be - Because my father wanted her to stay at home after marriage.
She is not a professional tailor that she wanted to be - Because she got busy with being a good homemaker soon after marriage.
She is not a financially independent woman that she wanted to be - Because she always cared for our financial independence and never gave time for herself.
She is not someone who has gone beyond South India - Though my father was working abroad she chose to stay here with us in order to not disturb our education.
She is not someone who lived in the physical security of her husband - She decided to stay away from his security so that we would have a secure future.

She is not so many things she wanted to be. She could not do so many things she wanted to do. I respect her for all that she is not.

This is the case with crores of women in this country. They are not so many things they wanted to be. But who bothers about what she wanted to be when she is a mother - the ultimate achievement. We make motherhood her greatest achievement when she could have achieved so much more along with being a mother. This is a socially accepted justification that we impose on her to hide the injustice meted upon her gender.

Motherhood is great. But when that becomes the identity of a woman rather than it being a choice, it becomes a emotional burden. I think we should learn to look at her as a human being first and then a mother. Because, the moment she becomes a mother all her other achievements take a back seat and she is morally and emotionally forced to prove her motherliness through sacrifices and selflessness. 

Let's not make motherhood a burden rather let us make it a enjoyable experience for every woman. I wish every mother gets to celebrate her achievements without guilt.

Happy Mother's day.

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Selective Outrage - An irresponsible Trend

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In 2012 it was the most terrifying and heart-wrenching Nirbhaya incident and in 2016 it is a similar incident in Perumbavur, Kerala. It was Jyothi then and it is Jisha now. I shuddered when I read the details of Nirbhaya and I felt the same fear when I read about the Perumbavur case. It is not within the capability of any normal human being to even imagine the kind of cruelty that these two girls have suffered . The whole nation was on fire in 2012 and it is again on fire now in 2016. And it is right to be on fire.

When these incidents were brutal enough to shake the human within us, how many of us have thought or even heard about much much more such rape cases that have been reported in media between 2012 and 2016? I am very particular about the period between 2012 and now because 2012 was when the "common man" of the nation woke up from their self-induced peaceful sleep to the horrible reality of sexual assault and fatal cruelty meted upon a woman in this country. Do we know how many cases of rape are being reported every day? Just to give a fair idea, I am listing few cases that have garnered some media attention after the Nirbhaya case.

"In August 2013, a 22-year-old photojournalist, who was interning with an English-language magazine in Mumbai, was gang-raped by five persons, including a juvenile, when she had gone to the deserted Shakti Mills compound, near Mahalaxmi in South Mumbai, with a male colleague on an assignment.

In May 2014 two girls aged 14 and 16 were allegedly gang-raped in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh and girls were then hanged from a tree.

On 14 March 2015, a 71-year-old nun was allegedly gang-raped in Ranaghat, West Bengal by intruders at Convent of Jesus and Mary. "

- Source of information Wikipedia

In its annual report, the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) said that the number of rape cases in the country has risen by 9 percent to 33,707 in 2014 - Source of Information in.reuters.com
These records are available on the NCRB website and is open for all of the public to see.

Aren't these data enough proof to show that 'Rape' is not a rare issue but a recurring and continuing crime in our country. If for the sake of argument I say that I am ignorant about the statistics, aren't we supposed to react with the same fervor and emotions when any rape case is being reported in the media? Some cases do get media attentions either due to the rareness of the case itself or because of the courage showed by the victim to bring it to the media attention. So many cases go unreported in our country.

But why was no social media campaign for these cases? Why was there not so much of hue and cry over these cases? Why was there no public demonstration in support of these victims or any change.org campaign for these people? I guess these people should have had a horrible death so that they would have got so much of public support. So does that mean that the victim should die a horrible death for us to react with so much of fervor? Doesn't a rape victim who did not die deserve this kind of support? Had Nirbhaya not been so cruelly attacked and left to die, had not Jisha been torn to pieces, would we have given them this much of our time and emotions? Isn't rape a cruel enough act for us to react?

Does rape not kill a person emotionally? Does rape not put the victim through serious physical and emotional pain? The continuous scrutiny by the society, ostracism that the victim and the family members suffer is beyond many of our understanding. I feel that many times we look at Rape as a lesser crime than murder. But in reality in a society like ours where chastity is the base on which a woman is judged, where morality of a woman is considered more important than her real talents and her achievements, where a woman is pushed to commit suicide because of the shame of having been raped, where a rape accused roams around freely but a victim has to live in fear, rape should be considered a crime worse  than murder.

I am not trying to belittle the outpouring emotions of the public in any case but if only we could react with the same emotional outrage for each rape incident in this country, if only we could influence our judicial system to bring the accused of every rape case under the law and get the deserved punishment, if only our emotional outbursts in the social media could target each and every rape case in this country, If only we as a society could support each Rape survivor morally to fight back for justice and stop making them a victim, I feel we will be taking a step ahead towards building a much safer place for our women where they can really live without fear. Every woman deserves it.

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